This past weekend, my Italian regular flew in from Rome for the third time to see me. She expressed concerns about me seeing other girls. She wanted me to be exclusive with her. It was my first time dealing with this situation. What transpired was one of the most emotional weekends in my game journey.
In this post, I reflect on what happened, how I handled it, and my main takeaways. As of now, I haven't gone exclusive with her, and she wants to keep seeing me. But only time will tell whether she means what she said.
I met this Italian in mid-August during one of her vacations. Since then, she's visited me three times over the course of two months. I document the first time, a lay report, here.
The second time, the adventure continued; she knocked on my door at 3am on Friday. She was wearing an ordinary trench coat and asked me to help her out of it. Underneath she was wearing a pink silky negligee that ended well above her knees. The kind of thing I've only read in pulp novels or seen in movies. I felt like a God. She later confessed how that was the first time she'd done that and how slutty it'd made her feel, especially on the cab ride over. I encouraged her slutty behavior the rest of that weekend.
The following day she discovered a long strand of hair in the shower as she was stepping in. She asked me about it afterwards. Even though I haven't been seeing other girls, I took the opportunity to test her openness to an open relationship; I pretended it was someone else's and told her I'm seeing other girls. She was silent for several minutes. She said it's nice to feel like she's the only one. I reassured her that it doesn't change what I feel with her. She didn't bring it up again, and was passionate as ever in bed.
Sunday morning, she had a medical emergency, an infection which was undoubtedly a result of our dirty deeds. We spent the next three hours wrestling the Polish healthcare system on an understaffed Sunday morning where few spoke broken English. She was a wreck. I had to calm her down repeatedly, distract her, take the lead in an environment I was not familiar with, and basically be a Dad to an 8 year old girl in pain, a role I'm not accustomed to. Luckily, the symptoms eased on their own. After a celebratory lunch at an Uzbeki restaurant, she thanked me for being with her the whole time even though I didn't have to. That night, while stroking my cock, she said, with a suggestive smile, her doctor had told her to consume a lot of protein. I didn't need further encouragement.
She left Monday. Three weeks passed during which time we kept up with occasional texting and a 1-2 hour video call every week. I kept daygaming without much success; just one i-date with a married, blonde dentist in her mid 30s. I was eager for the Italian's third visit, expecting more of the same. I was so wrong.
She was dressed in a classy black dress, stockings, and black silk panties, once again all hidden under an unassuming trench coat. We had fast, frenzied sex. Already sleep deprived from the previous night, I didn't have the energy to go for a second round nor carry a conversation. I told her I'm tired. She baited me by saying things like: how I keep her waiting when texting, how I don't share enough with her, how there's so much she doesn't know about me, etc... I tried to deflect them, lighten the mood, but she was relentless. It didn't take long for us to touch on the fact that I'm seeing other girls. Even though I'm not, that's the narrative I had established in our last meeting. Once that topic came up, the floodgates opened. I didn't get any sleep for the next couple hours. Following is a bird's eye view of how the conversation unfolded.
Her: I'm not enough. Why?
Me: I got out of a relationship earlier this year before I moved to Europe. Since it's my first time in Europe, I want to take the opportunity to explore it to the fullest, have adventures, not limit myself. I want to do this for at least the next year. I'm simply not in the headspace for an exclusive relationship. This is not a judgement on you.
Her: I can have any man I want! But I'm flying to Poland to see YOU. Do you realize how much effort I put preparing for our weekends together? How much I look forward to it and think about it and dream about it. And while I'm in Italy thinking about you, it hurts to think you're getting your needs met by someone else... do you even think about me?
Me: I barely slept last night, anxious for your visit. I enjoy spending time with you. I feel we connect physically and intellectually, which is rare. You have a lot of qualities that I like: feminine, compassionate, intelligent, honest. If you were living here, I'd see you more often. If I was looking for a relationship, I'd lock you down in a heartbeat.
Her: Ahh, you could be saying the same thing to other girls! It's sickens me to even think about it. We have such strong chemistry. I can see you every weekend. It's YOU who pushes me away. I don't understand how you can just walk away from something so... rare and beautiful.
Me: It's a promise I made to myself when I decided to move here. I don't want to constrain myself. I'll understand if you want to stop seeing me, but please don't degrade yourself by comparing yourself to other girls. That's not fair to you nor to me. I like you a lot. You'll just have to believe me.
This conversation repeated itself. Each time, it took on different words and forms. Each time, I had to convince her of her self-worth and her unique qualities, while still being true to myself. It wasn't difficult because I meant every word. But it was emotionally draining. She desperately needed to be validated and have her pride restored. When she eventually snuggled back into me and put her arm on my chest, she looked up and said, "I think I understand you a lot better now."
Late next morning, we showered together and went out to lunch. She was in good spirits. I figured I had won her over. Back in my apartment, the escalation continued. I kept whispering dirty things in her ear. At one point, I said, "I like to teach my girls." She froze. "You said girls. Plural."
If there's one thing game has taught me, it's to never second guess myself in front of a woman. I owned up to it. She pushed me away and didn't speak. "Don't keep it in. Talk," I commanded, mildly annoyed at her capricious behavior. She broke down in tears and vomited back the same insecurities from the night before. "I'm sorry. I'm emotional," she said, after gathering herself.
I told her I shouldn't have said what I said and that it was insensitive. I didn't say "sorry" because I felt that would be too weak. She countered that I said what I feel in the moment and I shouldn't hold back my true feelings. I had no response to that. I was getting a masterclass in female psychology. It didn't help that my brain was foggy; I was operating on 4 hrs of sleep two nights in a row.
Seeing her spirits deflate, I realized she was not ready to stay with me on my terms. She would inevitably get hurt. Everything she had told me about her past before she met me paints her as a conservative, rule-following girl, with a traditional view on relationships. I was asking too much of her. I told her this. She confirmed that that the idea of an open relationship is very foreign to her and never something she has had to consider.
We sat apart on my L-shaped couch. She was in recovery mode, processing everything. I was pretty drained myself. I knew there was nothing more I could do to convince her. So I played my favorite songs, flipped through pages of a book on my coffee table, and kept my physical distance. Eventually, she moved next to me. She wanted to put on a song. I did. It was catchy. I asked her if she wants to dance. She did. Our faces came close several times. I twirled her around a few times. Eventually we kissed.
She said she has to go to her hotel to pick up some things. She asked me if I'd like to accompany her. I said yes. It was raining, but she wanted to walk. She locked her arm with mine. The dark sky and cityscape reminded me of Bladerunner. I felt protective of her after causing her so much pain and stress.
While we showered in her hotel, I asked her if everything's okay. She said yes, but it didn't sound convincing. When she came out of the bathroom, I was already dressed and ready to go. We had planned to buy groceries and make dinner together. I tried to read her, but she was expressionless. I watched her dress. She put on a sexy corset. Then a different black dress, old fashioned, and wifey. Her face showed no sign of excitement. She was just going through the motions. I broke the silence by complimenting her dress.
"I wanted to cook for you while wearing this."
"Wanted? Do you still want to?"
"... Yes. I want to know how it feels to cook in this dress."
I felt gutted. This woman had flown all the way from Rome to cook dinner for me in a sexy corset. And I had robbed her of that pleasure. I didn't tell her this of course. But I knew that cooking with her under these circumstances would be pure agony for me and her. We had come into this weekend with different expectations. I was tired. But none of that mattered. I wanted to show her a good time. Not out of pity. Not to clear my conscience. Simply to reward her for being an incredible woman.
"It's Saturday night. Let me take you out and show you around Warsaw. How do you feel about that?"
"I'm fine with anything. Whatever you want."
We bought a bottle of white wine at a Biedronka and walked back to my apartment. We had a couple glasses and conversed like two friends would. I called an Uber to take us to a cocktail bar I had tried a few weeks before and filed it away as a good date venue. During the ride, she noticed me yawning and said she felt bad that I'm so tired and that it's okay if we go back.
"Absolutely not. It's your last night. I'm not sure we'll see each other again. Yes, I'm tired, so please excuse my yawns, but I also want to show you a good time. I think you're going to love the place I'm taking you."
And she did. I got a beef brisket, which put some energy back into me. We made random conversation. Eventually she brought up the situation we found ourselves in and how sad it is, how stubborn we both are, and yet how she sees so much potential in me. The wine and cocktails were starting to hit me around this time, and I got a bit emotional and told her she's the kind of person that sees potential in everyone. She deserves a man who is committed solely to her.
We walked down Nowy Świat which had good energy around 10pm. I took her to an arcade which had shuffleboard, foosball, pinball, and various other games. My plan was to teach her shuffleboard, but the tables were all booked, so we played foosball. And she was surprisingly good. We first teamed up against two other guys and we schooled them. Then we played a few games against each other and she was the decisive winner.
It was a little after midnight and I ordered an Uber back to my apartment. So far this night, I had not engaged in any kino except for some high-fives and fist bumps while playing foosball. Any bystander would've thought we were just good friends or step-siblings. Once we got back to my apartment, I wanted to sleep. I told her she can sleep on the couch, I can call her an Uber to her hotel, or she can sleep on the bed and trust that I'll be a gentleman, and that I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She said how sad it is for things to end like this, especially when we get on so well. Tired of her whining and sensing an opportunity, I offered another option: then let's make the most of our last night together. After some thought, she nodded and smiled. We kissed and went to bed and cuddled.
"Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"
"Yes"
"Better than staying in and cooking right?"
"Definitely"
"Tell me about your favorite part."
...
I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday morning. I woke up refreshed. We brought each other to climax. The weather was cool, crisp, blue sky, and sunny, a rare combination this time of the year. I said to her, "By spending the night with me despite everything thats happened, I can be sure you like me for who I am. Not because you want something from me. You have no idea how good that makes me feel." She was thrilled to hear that. We both acknowledged what a turbulent weekend it's been, and how, oddly enough, it brought us closer.
She showered and changed into her workout outfit: yoga pants and a black sports bra. Her torso exposed, her boobs inviting, her skin glowing. I wanted to take her to my gym and make all the men jealous, but we decided to stay in. I taught her some basic stretches to relax her spine and hips and how to do a headstand. She taught me proper jump-roping technique. Then we had a hearty brunch at a local cafe, during which she opened up about her life's troubles and how she views her trips to Poland to see me as an "escape." I offered her words of encouragement and motivation. By this time, I'd developed strong feelings for her. I wanted her to be happy. Whether I would play a role in her life or not didn't matter much to me.
We walked back to my apartment and she got ready to leave. We embraced. She asked me to feel her heartbeat. "See how fast it's beating? This is how you make me feel." She told me that despite everything, she wants me in her life and she wants to keep seeing me. She said she's never had an open relationship before, so it'll be a new experience for her. But she wants to see where it leads.
Takeaways
Inner Game
- I have a clear vision of what I want my life to be like, and I'm not willing to compromise on that for any woman. This comes back to respecting yourself as a man and settings boundaries, two themes I've been discussing with Zak recently as he also seduces a Norwegian.
- I like her a lot as a person. This helped me convey how amazing things can be for both of us if she buys into my reality. I didn't have to use any special lines. Everything I said came from the heart, and I have no doubt she felt that raw emotion and desire.
- I am prepared for the possibility she doesn't want to be a part of my life. I'm willing to let her go if that's what I need to do.
Observations
- She said, "At least now I understand you." My private nature, aversion to constant texting, and being long distance made her unsure of my intentions. When we met, we were too busy lusting. She didn't know where she stood long term. Now she does and she knows why. I think this brings her a certain level of satisfaction, a sense of closure, a clearance of doubt.
- She said, "I want to provoke your emotions." The line stuck with me. Furthermore, when I asked her why she likes being on top, she said that in addition to the physical pleasure, it also makes her feel powerful. She has mentioned more than once she wants to have power over me. I think all women want this to some extent over the men in their lives. Reminds me of Torero's maxim: "give girls the gift of the chase."
- This weekend was a rollercoaster. There were many moments where I felt I'd lost her forever. But in the process, we ended up provoking each other's emotions which generated trust and affection on top of the lust we already had. This made the sex better. Women want to feel emotions, even if they're not happy ones. And they want a man that can safely take them through various emotions. Everyday is a seduction. Before she left she said to me, "You are so many things."
I am just a common man who is true to his beliefs.
― John Wooden