The Italian took a week off from work to visit me. It's the longest consecutive time I've spent with a woman in a romantic context, since starting game. Spending the week with her had some great moments but also it's fair share of challenges. It prompted me to ask myself new questions about what I want out of my romantic relationships moving forward.
The challenges began well before her arrival. How to bridge a two month gap? We took turns initiating a video call every couple weeks but this wasn't enough. Luckily, she initiated most of the texting in between. Her texts were lengthy and expressive, giving me plenty of fodder for a response. But I still had to think how best to play my hand and not shoot myself in the foot.
I intentionally kept the romance in my texts closed-door, learning from past mistakes of losing girls when I got overtly sexual on texts. But when she ventured into erotica territory, I gladly reciprocated. This back and forth "sexting on steroids" spanned over several weeks and kept things hot. I doubt if any of this would've materialized had she not made the first move. It turned out to be a very high investment game, albeit entertaining.
She also made the first move by sending me a handwritten love letter. I'd joked about writing each other letters, but I didn't expect her to actually take me up on it. I wrote the first love letter of my life while nursing a shot of vodka at a hotel bar in Warsaw. It cost me 22 PLN to post the letter to Rome, and it still took over two weeks to get there.
Funny enough, the one time I took some texting initiative and sent her a random ping text, it got me into trouble. I sent her a photo of my street covered in snow. My caption:
Lets go sledding! I sit, you pull ;)
She didn't respond to my text for a couple days. I followed up with another random ping. It received an atypically curt response. Clearly something was off, but I didn't want to ask a question, so I responded saying:
You seem busy this week. I hope it's the good kind of busy.
Eventually she revealed that she found my sledding text offensive because I was comparing her to a dog. That wasn't my intent at all; sleds can be pulled by people too and that's the image I had in my head. I didn't get defensive. Instead, I clarified my POV and reassured her of my respect for her. I also called her over the weekend to smooth things over. I purposefully over-dramatized things a bit, saying things like:
I'm glad you picked up on my first attempt because I was prepared to call you every hour until you did.
I wanted to make her feel desired while also being mentally prepared to walk away if she continued to be unreasonable. I think she sensed that.
While we live apart, I've been giving her the impression that though I share a special connection with her, I'm still seeing other girls casually. In actuality, I've been averaging one date a month, haven't had sex with anyone since meeting her, and my last date with a Ukrainian businesswoman was a disaster. In her texts, she's hinted she's also playing the field in Italy but hasn't gone farther than a kiss.
This information asymmetry has largely played to my advantage, increasing my value in her eyes. But it's also the reason that, one week before her arrival, she politely asked me to get thoroughly tested for STIs.
She shared a list of tests that her virologist recommended her. My initial reaction was ego-driven: who does she think she is, giving me a "checklist" of things to do before I can bang her. Luckily, I didn't act on my ego or view this as a shit test. I convinced myself that this is genuinely important to her and that she's been investing a lot into our relationship by flying in every month, booking hotels, etc... I simply told her I'll get them done and that she should get the same.
Getting these tests done in Warsaw was an adventure in itself. Since I'm supposed to hold my piss for a couple hours for the tests to be valid, I entered the clinic with an intense urge to relieve myself. The receptionist didn't speak English and seemed stiff, so I had to frantically hunt around for an English speaker, all the while holding it in. Luckily, it didn't take long to find an English speaking staff member. I gave her the list of tests I needed done, paid her, and urged her to find a nurse to administer the tests immediately. She escorted me to a middle-aged nurse who asked me to lie down on the medical cot and take down my pants. I drew deep breaths to ready myself for having a cotton swab inserted into my urethra for the first time in my life. Not only was the idea off-putting but I was also concerned I'd relieve myself in the process. Thankfully, I didn't make a fool of myself and everything went off without a hitch.
The HIV test was much more straightforward. Just a blood sample, something the clinic takes for free and anonymously. It was interesting to see the faces of other men and women in the line for the HIV test. I couldn't help wonder what brought them to the clinic. All in all, the tests cost me $150 and I got my results electronically in 3 days. Aside from the language barrier, I was pleased with the efficiency. I didn't utter a word of this to the Italian, fearing it might betray my inexperience. Instead, I just told her I'm clean and she believed me.
With the test results out of the way, my workload under control, and my apartment cleaned, I was ready for her arrival. Even though she booked a hotel for the entire week, I assumed we'd spend every night together, and we did. Some notable sexual highlights and observations from the week include:
- First time rawdogging her. It's something she's always resisted, but she seemed to change her tune this week. She eased my worries afterwards by saying abortions are easy in Italy.
- First time in various places including a public bathroom (of a fine dining restaurant).
- First time for me to see a woman in black stockings with a garter belt and first time for her to wear such lingerie.
- First time trying a female condom for both of us. I didn't particularly enjoy the sensation, so we only did this once.
- She called me Daddy.
Perhaps the best compliment she gave me was when she told me that I make her do things in bed that she's never done or didn't think she'd enjoy. She told me it's because she feels no judgement from me.
Her sexual appetite is much higher than mine and she's also in her 20s. And while I could cope for a weekend, sustaining it for a week pushed me to my limits. On the positive side, I got ample practice. But it also left me physically depleted.
While I don't imagine every week to be as sex-fueled as the week we shared, it still gave me a taste of what it might be like to have her as a regular. I wonder whether women are biologically hardwired to deplete their men so they don't chase other women. Because, were she my regular and we fornicated even half as much as we did last week, I don't think I'd have the desire to daygame let alone see other girls.
Spending a week with her tested me in other ways I didn't expect, which struck at the core of my inner game. I'll share about two in particular.
Midway through the week, she came pretty close to ending things with me. The night before, I had taken her out to a Polish wine bar and sushi afterwards. We played two truths and a lie and explored each other's pasts in more detail, revealing embarrassing stories from our teens. Later that night, we were on my bed and she resisted my advances much more than usual, egging me to try harder. I played along at first, but then I felt she was going too far with her teasing and power grab. I got frustrated and withdrew and reprimanded her for being so difficult. She said she was just having a little fun. In retrospect, I overreacted and spoiled her fantasy.
The following morning, she started to silently pack her things under the pretense that she's going to a park to workout and would then go to her hotel for a bit. She had done this in the past, so it didn't sound unusual. But she was packing way more than she needed, like she had no intention to return. The tension from the previous night still hung in the air. I asked her what's wrong. She stuck to her workout story, but I kept probing. We were at my doorstep. I offered to call her an Uber. She declined. I lost my patience.
Look clearly something is up. But what disappoints me more is that you're not making any effort to talk things out. If that's how you want to end things, then we're not meant to be.
She said we want different things. She said she has developed deeper feelings for me and she doesn't believe I can have the same intensity of feelings for her. She said she remembers every single thing I tell her. Yet I keep forgetting things about her. She said she's been naive and stupid for thinking that we could be together.
We argued for a bit but at least we were communicating. I told her that I do care deeply about her, and to not take my lapses in memory personally. It happens with my best friends too. But more significantly, I confessed that I don't have much experience with relationships. That my relationships usually don't last this long. So all this is new for me and the connection we share is a bit out of my comfort zone. I used the metaphor of a convict just out of prison entering a new world and in need of a woman to reform him. She smiled at that and put down her bag and followed me into the living room (we were still at my doorstep until then).
It still took about an hour to win her over. I think being brutally honest about myself helped convey that I'm a genuine guy, just inexperienced when seductions go beyond a certain point. Like many guys, I got into game after heartbreak. I haven't had a proper relationship for over a decade. I've spent that time hardening my character through game and avoiding emotional attachments. Now the Italian is trying to break down these defenses and she's doing a damn good job of it. It's a new test for me but also a new opportunity to learn about women and myself, which is what game to me is all about.
In the process of talking, I reassured her that were we to find ourselves in the same city for an extended period, I'd be open to a relationship with her. I warned her half-jokingly that it would be a new experience for me, so she better have patience. Make up sex followed. She thanked me for forcing the conversation instead of letting her leave.
No matter how much I like someone's company, I need my alone time. And if that requirement is not met for too many days, I get grumpy. This is precisely what happened later in the week. I had to deal with work clients till noon. Then I met her for lunch, followed by a walk in the park, and a visit to the National Library. I was sexed out, but wanted to show her a good time and explore a couple new bars in the process, so I took her to a cocktail bar for happy hour. It was good except for a surprise 10% service charge tacked on at the end. Then I took her to another bar I really wanted to try, but it was closed for a private event. I also lost my gloves on the way. Normally, these small inconveniences don't bother me, but that day, they started to irritate me. It was a symptom of not having enough alone time and having to be constantly "on" without a rest.
If I was low energy and irritable, she was the opposite. Excited, bubbly, and eager to buy ingredients to cook dinner for us. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I just want to go home and sleep. My patience was further tested when she started cooking. She's a novice in the kitchen, and she was making a mess. I felt like I was babysitting a little girl. I finally lost my temper. It happened after dinner when she started stroking my jeans. I wasn't in the mood, but I also wanted to vent out my frustration. I pushed her against the table, but a stool was in the way. I lifted it and slammed it against the wall. Naturally, she was a bit shocked at my sudden outburst and it of course killed the mood. She asked if I wanted her to leave. I confessed I'm just a bit grumpy due to long day. We cleaned up and cuddled, and I felt much better.
That episode taught me two things:
- I can show my not-so-good sides to women, and they won't leave me. I'm not proud of my outburst, but it's part of who I am. Since I haven't had long relationships with women, I've always managed to suppress the aspects of my nature I don't find attractive. But the longer I spend with the Italian, the more inevitable it is that she'll see me when I'm not at my best. Her staying with me that night, despite my temper, reassured me that I don't need to strive to be the perfect model seducer all the time.
- I need to work on my temper. Reflecting now, my outburst seems so immature and easily avoidable. Exercising better self control starts with carving out enough alone time for myself to recharge even when a woman visits me. As a consequence of her visit, I neglected my workouts for the entire week. I also didn't make time for reading. These two solo activities are my ways of recharging, and I did neither of them. Next time, I'll need to find a better balance.
I want to end with my vision for the future.
In the event we find ourselves in the same city and she still wants me, I can see myself committing 100% to a monogamous relationship for a few months. This is an experience I haven't had since starting game and I think I'd learn a lot in the process, while also enjoying the company of an incredible woman.
But as much as I like the Italian, I also like the thrill of seducing new women and the adventure that comes along with the chase, an aspect of seduction which I believe will gradually melt away with having a regular. So after a monogamous stint, I will broach the idea of an open relationship: where the Italian will continue to be my girlfriend, but she will let me see other women casually while remaining faithful to me.
I don't expect this to be easy, but I'm convinced that as long as I keep providing sufficient, masculine value to the Italian and protect her pride as my number one, she will be willing to let me indulge. I think the key will be to frame it as a win-win. What is in it for her? I wouldn't be the first man to achieve this sort of arrangement. And if other men can do it, so can I.
In my world view, daygame is like any other adrenaline-fueled activity like mountaineering, skiing, or car racing. The wives and girlfriends of the men who participate in these pursuits risk losing them but still love them. These men have to constantly earn their women's love and faithfulness by being the best men they can be. And in return, these men receive the feminine energy and license to pursue their more adventurous goals. It isn't in the nature of these men to settle.
I've been blessed with the resources to live on my own terms practically anywhere in the world. I shouldn't waste this gift. I must wield it wisely. The world needs more men to live on the fringes and report on their experiences.
The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
― William Blake