This week I got a blowjob from a 29 year old Italian tourist within 48 hours of approaching her, ending a two-month dry spell since I arrived in Warsaw.
Even though a proper lay eludes me, I want to take the opportunity to summarize my experience in Warsaw so far and end with a report of the Italian.
Warsaw So Far
If I had to sum up my daygame efforts in Warsaw in one word, it would be "humbling." Two months ago, I seduced a beautiful Ukrainian in Prague and arrived in Warsaw feeling like James Hunt after a Grand Prix win. It took me a month of getting nowhere to admit to myself that Prague was a fluke, not the new normal.
Overcoming this delusion was a good lesson in inner game but didn't really help with results. I was still getting rejected left and right by Eastern European girls. As time passed, I found it harder and harder to stay motivated. Self doubt seeped in. I took a two week break in July, during which time I focused on work, finding a long term apartment, and getting my TRC paperwork in order. When I decided to resume daygame in the first week of August, I dialed back my commitment to 2 hrs every alternate day instead of aiming for 10 approaches every alternate day which used to take 3+ hours.
I still don't know why I'm having scant success with Polish girls. Before meeting the Italian, I had had just one i-date in my two months in Warsaw. The only thing that keeps me going is my libido and the fact that I have no alternative. I don't online date. I haven't PMO in 6 months and I'm happy to report that porn is not something I'm tempted to watch anymore. I'm indebted to Zak for putting me on this path. My social interests here are limited to playing pickup basketball and a weekly meetup group on philosophy which is 90% male.
Despite the low rate of success, I'm making Warsaw my home base for the next year under the pretense of taking a Polish language course. Maybe I'm delusional, but I'm just tired of hopping around like a kangaroo, though I admire the daygamers that can pull off that life. Zak recently texted, "Just need a tall blonde preferably educated Polish girl to call me kochanie, is that too much to ask?" It made me chuckle, but that's what I'm after too: a feminine Eastern European regular, preferably blonde, who calls me sweetheart (kochanie). I don't care about her education level, as long as she can speak conversational English.
A lot of my energy has been going into dealing with rejection: staying positive, resetting for the next session, and clearing my mind. In many ways, game is like lifting. Growth happens in the recovery. With lifting, it's easy to witness this growth in the mirror. What makes game challenging it that the growth is often invisible. I just have to trust that it's happening even though some days it may feel like the opposite. With no wing here for moral support, holding that trust is easier said than done.
That's why positive reference experiences are so precious. They make the invisible visible for a brief time. And just when my trust was starting to wear thin, the daygame gods threw me a bone in the form of a 29 year old Italian tourist. I'm damn grateful for that.
Italian Tourist
I was at the tail end of yet another session of rejections and had just finished smoking a cigarette. Last cigarette I smoked was two weeks ago, so this one felt especially good.
My approach was friendly. I commented on her curly hair and guessed she must not be from here. We found common ground in both being new to Poland and took turns sharing our observations. I was just happy for the conversation, considering how rare even that had gotten. She suggested we get a beer. I sheepishly agreed and said, "I was going to ask you that."
On the idate, I was aware that we were falling into the comfort trap. But I'd been doubting myself so much lately that I didn't dare take any risks. I sprinkled in some teases, disagreed with her, challenged her, and mansplained about random things. One tactic I often use is to challenge a girl about something tied to her identity but not her specifically. So I challenged her to tell me what Italy has contributed to modern society besides making people fat.
I suggested we get ice cream and she said she would accompany me but not partake. It helped that she was a solo tourist with no competing agendas. I have the daygame gods to thank for that. She insisted we split the check. I said she can just buy me ice cream. On the 1km walk to ice cream shop near my apartment, I subtly conveyed to her that she's beautiful. Our legs grazed each other when admiring various monuments and maps on the way. And I pointed at something so my forearm could briefly graze her large breasts. All this gave me further confidence that I hadn't been friend-zoned despite the weak start.
By the time we reached the shop, it was closed, which I was expecting. I got a chocolate ice-cream bar at a local Biedronka and educated her on some common words. She asked where I was going to eat it, and I meekly hinted that my apartment is close by. She did not seem keen, so I cursed myself for even mentioning it and suggested a park instead.
We sat on a park bench under the orange lights. It was 10:45pm so the park was fairly deserted. There was a group of high school girls making TikTok videos and the occasional local getting drunk. I finished my ice-cream and wanted to go for a kiss soon, but I didn't like the bench because a drunk onlooker could see us, so I suggested we walk further. She agreed. We found a nice secluded patch of grass to sit on.
We talked about past relationships, love, and family. She revealed how she's never been in love and her previous partners have accused her of not meaning it when she says "I love you." I accused her of being a Pisces. They're known to find it impossible to fall in love; their standards are too high. They want the perfect fairytale and they go to their graves wishing. She was shocked at my insensitivity, but then roared in laughter. When she calmed down, I planted a quick kiss on her lips. She wasn't expecting it and didn't respond to it, and I acted as if nothing happened.
She asked my age, which I've found to be a good indicator that a girl is considering me as a sexual partner. This gave me the confidence to go for another kiss. This time she was more receptive, offering her tongue completely. We lay on the grass for a while kissing and groping, me doing all the groping. I'd been stealing glances at her breasts and bum all evening. I wanted her then and there, but didn't risk it.
At some point we called it a night. I didn't think a SDL was in the cards and it was past midnight and I was sleepy, so I suggested we exchange numbers and meet the following day. She was leaving in two days. She agreed, but was adamant we should decide time and place now and just show up instead of exchanging numbers. I said fine. I offered to call her an Uber but she said she'll walk because she wasn't comfortable giving her address to me. Had I gone too far too fast, I wondered. We hugged and parted with the kind of eye contact two people have when they're both in on the same secret. Due to her evasiveness at the end, I put my odds for seeing her again at 50/50.
I went to the meeting spot which was a mere 5 minutes from my apartment. She was sitting on the bench reading. My game plan was as follows: take her to the post office to pick up a package waiting for me, drop it off at my apartment, and assess her mood. If she was keen to stay at my apartment, great. If not, I had three nearby venues in mind: a bar, a snack place, and a dinner place, all of which I'd been meaning to try but haven't had the opportunity to yet (lack of preparation on my part).
She politely declined my invitation to come inside when we returned from the post office. I didn't react. I wasn't surprised. Our conversation up to that point had been pretty bland chit chat. She'd told me about her day, I told her about mine, etc... We hadn't kissed again. My reading of the situation was basically: the previous night was hot, but now we're back to room temperature, and I need to raise her temperature all over again. Ok, plan B.
Since neither of us were hungry, I took her to the bar. It was an old school bar from the FSU era with an indoor smoking room, which I believe is technically illegal now. We got a couple beers and sat outside. I made sure I sat at a 90 degree angle instead of opposite her so it would be easier for our legs to touch. The conversation was still pretty flat, so I fell back to Strawberry Fields. She said she wouldn't take any strawberries without asking the owner for permission. I was like FML and wondered if she's a prude. Then a wasp fell into my beer glass, and I talked about bees and their unique mating habits. That broke the ice. After that, everything we talked about had an undercurrent of sex. She insisted on paying the bill. Shortly after we left the bar, I pulled her into an alcove, pushed her against a wall, and kissed her. She responded.
She suggested we checkout the top of the Palace as it was on her list of things to do. Even though it was not part of my plan, I agreed. Going with the flow served me well in Prague. Maybe it will serve me well here I thought. We walked to the Palace, all the while holding hands and stopping every now and then to kiss. Conversation was easy and natural. We touched on various topics: books, religion, art, sex, society, etc... time just flew. We discovered that there was an open air cinema showing at the Palace that night. Free entry. It was to start in two hours though. So I suggested we go to my place, I'll make some Indian masala chai, and then return to catch the show. She loved the idea. We would never return.
In the kitchen, I taught her how to peel and grate the ginger. She confessed that she rarely cooks and her concept of tea involved tea bags and a microwave. I gave her shit for it, being Italian and all. While the tea brewed on the stove, I escalated. She seemed receptive to it. But when I tried to unbutton her jeans, she stopped me. At first I thought it was token resistance and ignored it, but then she said that she was not ready and she's sorry. I looked at her questioningly. She said she was almost raped recently and is still processing it. She kept apologizing, but I told her to just relax and not worry and that the sex isn't important.
We sat at the table and sipped our tea. There was a long silence. But I remember Torero saying to call out the elephant in the room, so I asked her about what happened if she felt like sharing. I won't go into it here, but she talked for ~15 minutes and said it was a man she knew, which made it worse. I'm the first man she's taken a chance with since it happened. I gave her a back rub, but I didn't want to dwell on this topic nor become her therapist nor let it define the evening.
There was a strong chemistry between us by that point that it was easy to shift our attention to something else. And once we did, I resumed my escalation. I could see her body was responding. Maybe getting all that off her chest was a prerequisite, I thought optimistically. It still amazes me how capricious the female mood can be, and at the same time makes me wonder how hard it must be for a woman to remain faithful.
I started to finger her, but she didn't let me take off her jeans. She said she's not ready but that she wants to pleasure me. So I eased off and instructed. She obeyed. I took my time, appreciating every second of the sensation that's been so rare since starting nofap. Even she commented on my restraint. Eventually, I released two months of nofap on her. Some of it got in her hair and she shrieked and jumped into the shower to wash everything off.
Afterwards, we cuddled on the bed. Once my blood was flowing again, I tested the waters for a lay but no luck. Instead we spent the night learning more about each other, our good and bad sides, and our future plans. She said that she liked how I communicated what I wanted from her when she was giving me a blowjob. She said she wished more guys would say what they like instead of expecting her to just figure it out. It would take the pressure off her. I made a mental note.
We both knew that this bubble was going to pop soon–she would go back to Italy tomorrow, I would resume my life in Poland–and therefore neither of us wanted to fall too hard for the other or reveal too much. When I suggested she spend the night, she said it would be best she leave now, explaining that the longer she stays, the more painful it'll be. I said I understand and called her an Uber. She insisted on paying the fare and thanked me over and over again. The Prague girl did too. Maybe it's a European thing? Girls never thanked me in New York.
I gave her my number and said I will understand if she deleted it. I didn't ask for her's. I don't know why I played things this way when we were clearly attracted to each other. I think it was mostly selfish–I didn't see her as the blonde Eastern European regular I'm after. And partially sensitive–she seemed to be going through a conflicted time in her life, deciding between asserting her independence and trusting men again, and I didn't want to be a distraction.
If there's one thing game drills into you, it's the abundance mentality. Even though I wasn't seeing anyone else and it's been hard to meet women here, I was at peace with losing her. It also helped that I'd released a lot of pent up need, ngl.
I received a text from her two days later saying she wants me to have her number.